


The Ways of the Underworld are Perfect

by noo



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: F/M, Halloween, M/M, Starfleet Academy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-31
Updated: 2011-10-31
Packaged: 2017-10-25 02:58:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/270982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noo/pseuds/noo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim has plans for tonight’s Xenolinguistics Halloween Party at the Academy and no matter what Bones thinks, he is going to be a part of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ways of the Underworld are Perfect

Bones was lounging back on his bed, knees bent as he read off his PADD for an upcoming lecture. It was information that he had already learned many years ago, when he was studying for his medical degree, but he did like to be as well prepared as he could be, so, here he was studying it all again. He glanced up as the door to the room whooshed open and the figure of his roommate could be seen through the frosted dividing screen.

Jim had, with his normal whirlwind of energy, disappeared earlier in the day. Ever since he had volunteered to assist with the Xenolinguistics Club Halloween Party, he had regularly gone off on little missions more than usual. He was always coming back with that little smirk on his face that meant he wanted you to ask where he had been, just so he could reply and not actually tell you anything. Bones had figured out early on in their time as roommates that it was often best to let Jim go when he got an idea in his head. Trying to deflect him from one of his ideas was like trying to hold back the tides. That isn't to say that many didn't try, but Bones' momma didn't raise no idiot. After the first couple of times, he got Jim's number and let the kid have his head.

This time though, Jim seemed to be laden down with a multitude of packages that obscured his face as he walked around the screen. If Bones didn't know that gait, he wouldn't have recognized who was hidden behind them. Jim dumped them on the floor between the two beds before flopping back onto his bed and resting his arm across his eyes.

Bones raised one eyebrow at the piles of boxes and bags now strewn haphazardly on the floor and then at the man lying opposite him before turning back to his PADD and the notes on Betazoid brain functions. After a while, he noticed Jim sitting up and reaching over for one of his own PADDs, almost mirroring Bones' own posture. Jim then started to read and tap away at it. They continued in their silent study for an extended period of time, the quiet in the room disrupted occasionally with little beeps from the PADDs and interested murmurs from Jim. Eventually the little noises that Jim was making, as he found new things to absorb into that sponge style brain he had, got to be too much for Bones.

"They gonna stay on the floor all night and day, Jim?" Bones asked, mentally berating himself for sounding like someone’s mother.

"Hmm?" Jim responded, his head turning towards Bones but his eyes never leaving the words scrolling across his PADD screen.

"The boxes and crap. Are they gonna stay on the floor all day and night?" Bones repeated.

Jim finally glanced away from the PADD towards the mess he had made on the floor, before looking up at Bones.

"Nope," Jim said. "I'll put 'em away."

Jim returned back to reading his PADD.

"When?" Bones asked.

"Soon," Jim replied with an airy wave of his hand, his focus still on his PADD.

Bones rolled his eyes and knew that this was one discussion that was over. Jim was too fixated on whatever he was reading. Bones placed the PADD down as he moved his legs to hang over the side and with one foot he nudged the partially open lid of one of the boxes.

"Shouldn't the stuff for the party be stored where ever you put your results from your last shopping excursion? What is this?" Bones asked as the lid tipped up enough for him to get a glimpse of what looked like leather, in pleats, inside the box.

Bones' movements finally got Jim's attention and he looked over to see what Bones was up to.

"It's one of my possible costumes for the party. So, yes for the party, but no, not to be stored with the other stuff. I've got all the supplies pretty much anyway." Jim reached forward to close the lid on the box.

"I swear sometimes, Jim, that you are a girl," Bones said.

"I'd make a good-looking chick," Jim agreed, pursing his lips as he obviously pondered what he would look like as a female.

Bones' brows furrowed as he considered Jim's statement. "Nah, reckon rightly that not even you could make those eyebrows and that forehead of yours work enough that they would be considered 'good-looking' on a girl. The lips have promise though. Why do you need more than one possible costume? The great Jim Kirk can't make a decision? We need to stop the presses and announce it to the whole Academy that Vulcan has frozen over."

Jim picked up his pillow and threw it towards Bones, who deflected it easily while chuckling at the perturbed look on Jim's face.

"S'Lapen let me know that Uhura is going to the party as Cleopatra. Now, while she will totally rock that look, I am disappointed that she has gone the tried and true route. But never fear, I now have two perfect choices to ensure that she won't be able to ignore me. I just have to figure out which one to go as," Jim explained.

Bones snorted. "You are opening yourself up to a world of pain there, kid. It almost makes me consider coming along just to see you fail spectacularly again."

Jim sat up straight, his PADD now ignored. "What? You are coming, Bones. You aren't rostered on or anything. I checked. You gotta come, Bones, it's going to be--"

Bones interrupted, raising an eyebrow as he did so, "If you are going to complete that sentence with an 'awesome' like some 20th Century valley girl, I really will disown you. It's tomorrow night and I have no costume. So there goes your cunning plan for me to attend. I'm too old for that sort of shit. What kind of theme is 'languages are the pedigree of nations' any way?"

"It's the Xenolinguistics Club, of course we are gonna do something involving languages. Costume problem solved. I knew you hadn't gotten anything anyway, so you can wear whichever one I decide not to. We are about the same size," Jim said as he knelt down on the floor and started to move the bags and boxes around, shoving some under his bed to be stored and dumping others on top.

Bones watched the haphazard nature of Jim's 'sorting' methods, knowing that there was a place for everything within the teeming chaos that Jim had created. Bones was well aware of the rumors swirling around about Jim's various strange behaviors, but those that spread the rumors were quick to judge and less likely to look below the surface.

"So I get your left-overs, hmm?" Bones asked.

Jim stood up quickly from where he had been bending over a bag and glanced over his shoulder, a little frown line on his face as he looked at Bones.

"Bones, my man, I would never give you left-overs. Unless they were delicious," Jim finished this statement with a little twinkle in his eye and a slight smirk on his face. "Then I would totally share with you! In this case both costumes are good, but seeing as you are the elder I guess I better give you this one."

Jim bent back down again and picked up the box that Bones had toed open earlier. Jim placed it on Bones' bed before turning back and picking up his discarded PADD and chucking it at Bones, who had to stop reaching for the box in order to catch it.

"Time for you to 'bone' up on Gaius Julius Caesar!" Jim announced.

Sure enough, Bones glanced down at the PADD to see that it was open on _Bleeker's History of Rome_ , and at the entry for Julius Caesar.

Bones glanced up at Jim, a look of slight confusion on his face. "Wait a minute, if I get to be Caesar, who are you going to be?" Bones asked. The PADD was hanging loosely in Bones' hands as they rested in his lap, his head titled slightly to the side.

"Mark Antony, of course!" Jim announced.

"Of course," Bones muttered as he reached over to lift the lid off the box. Inside was what appeared to be a fairly historically accurate costume. He reached forward with one of his long fingered hands to stroke the dark brown material of the skirt. As he suspected, it was actual leather, cool and smooth to the touch.

Jim bent back down to finish lifting the final box up onto his bed.

A thought occurred to Bones and he turned away from the costume that was tempting him and back toward Jim. "Won't we look the same? And I would have thought Caesar was more up your alley?" Bones asked.

"Well, yeah Caesar, one of the great military minds and a brilliant Orator. He did have a kid with Cleopatra, but seriously Mark Antony is a much better choice. I mean most women go for the sappy stuff and Antony and Cleopatra had that whole epic love story and committed suicide together. Plus you're older and Caesar and Antony were good friends. We won't look too much alike, this is mine," Jim announced as he lifted a leather skirt. This was one solid piece with some decoration down the front of it, different to the one laid out neatly in the box on Bones' bed.

"I hope there is a bit more to the costume than just that," Bones smirked.

"Hm?" Jim said as he looked up from where he had been holding the skirt up against his waist. "Yeah, there's a bit more to it," he continued as he turned, and carefully laid it back down in it's box.

"Jim," Bones asked quietly as he turned back to look at his costume, "did you rent these or buy them?"

"Stop your fussing, they are rented and I got a good price. We've both worked hard and deserve a bit of party time," Jim told Bones as he closed the lid on his box and picked it up to walk over and place it on the bench that ran along the length of the privacy screen. He walked back and did the same for Bones' box, raising one heavy eyebrow towards Bones as he picked it up and then was walking away to place it on top of his.

Bones threw his hands up in the air in exasperation, the PADD now gripped tighter to ensure it didn't go flying away. He then leaned back on his bed, in the same lounging position he’d been in when Jim had entered the room, raising the PADD up to start reading about Gaius Julius Caesar. The Gods knew that Jim would have already memorized most of the information contained within the document and would likely mention bits and pieces from it tomorrow night. Jim had an insatiable curiosity about the past and Bones had no idea where he got it from. What he did know about his roommate and unlikely friend was that Jim did like to show off his vast array of knowledge and there was no way he was going to let the kid get away with knowing more than him for once. Betazoids were now discarded and Ancient Rome was on the menu.

  


oOo

  
"Ouch," Bones murmured as he inadvertently pricked his finger from the clasp on the cloak he was attempting to close. He watched as a small drop of blood welled out from the small pin prick. He continued to struggle with the clasp, the one finger extended carefully away from his body. Finally he got it closed and did a little shimmy of his shoulders to ensure that it settled properly. He then sucked his finger into his mouth and headed towards the bathroom where the emergency medical kit was stored.

"Jim," he called as he banged on the door with the closed fist of his other hand. Although, with the finger still in his mouth, it sounded more like 'b-im'.

His roommate obviously figured out it was his name being called as the door whooshed open to reveal Jim. To reveal what he had been doing while locked in the room on his own for the past hour. Bones had spent the same time getting into his own costume, carefully reading and following the instructions provided.

Before Bones stood Jim as he had never seen him before. Over his shoulders was a loose jacket that fell to mid thigh. To Bones' mind it appeared similar to the bed robes that Jocelyn had favored, as it was very silky in texture. Around the sleeves and the other edges was a fine gold pattern in contrast to the deep green, almost black, of the main material. Jim wore nothing on his top half apart from that jacket and some leather forearm guards. Bones' eye was drawn down the bared chest to the leather skirt that Jim was wearing. A full piece with a small band that fell from his waist that was delicately embossed with a gold inlaid pattern. On his feet were traditional roman sandals just the same as Bones now had on. The most startling part of the costume to Bones' mind was the heavy eyeliner that Jim was sporting and snake tattoo that was wending it’s way from his shoulder to down over his nipple. The black lines on his pale skin was a look that Bones didn’t think he would find compelling, but something about it...

"For God's sake man! You told me that there was more to that than just the skirt," Bones exclaimed as he popped his finger out of his mouth in shock. "That damn fool bath robe ain't gonna keep you warm."

Jim looked Bones up and down before responding in a decidedly sarcastic tone, "You look good too, Bones. What have you done to your finger?" Jim asked as he obviously noticed the way that Bones was holding it away from his body.

"Out of the way, infant," Bones said as he stepped to the side, allowing Jim to step over the doorway into their room. Bones was then able to move into the bathroom and reach for his medical kit that was housed on the shelf near the door, flipping it open as he placed it down on the basin area. He extracted the anticoagulant gel and the disinfectant spray, then started cleaning the area around the wound first before applying a drop of the gel. As he waited for it to work into his skin and seal up the break in the skin, he glanced up in the mirror and got a good look at his own costume for the first time.

He took in the deep maroon of the linen undershirt, or _tunica_ as the instructions named it, that was seen underneath the straps of leather hanging off the shoulder of the solid breast plate. The _Lorica Segmenta_ was embossed with an intricate design that featured the head of a lion at its center. It was made of a hardy metal alloy that was light to wear so, although the breast plate looked authentic, he would be comfortable for the time he was wearing the costume. More straps of leather created the outer skirt that hung to mid-thigh and were held in place by an oddly shaped belt, the _cingulum militare_. He had learned from the instructions that the skirt was called a _Pteruges_. He had decided to stick to his own comfortable 23rd century Starfleet issued boxer shorts as opposed to the loincloth that was provided. It looked clean but he had no desire to put something that close to his privates that he was unsure--who had wore it last--if it had been cleaned properly.

He did put on the _Braccae_ , drawstring pants, and even managed, after the third try, to secure the leg wrappings ( _Puttees_ ), properly to his ankles and calves. His costume was topped off with _Lorica manica_ , arm guards, also highly decorated like the breast plate, a _Segum_ (cape), and the _caligae_ , which were sandals just like the ones Jim had. He would be decidedly warmer tonight than Jim, but Bones mused that knowing Jim, he would find someone to wrap around himself and keep warm.

Bones snorted to himself and shook his head, "Damn it, I'm a doctor, not a Roman."

"You know that talking to yourself is the first sign of madness," Jim announced from the doorway.

Bones jumped in surprise at Jim's reappearance. Jim was leaning very casually against the door frame, a laurel wreath held loosely in one hand. The gold of the metal was glinting and casting a myriad of reflections as Jim slowly swung that hand back and forth.

"Yeah, well, at least I haven't the second sign, which is answering myself back," Bones grumbled good-naturedly. "I think you have something of mine there, or are you considering being Caesar instead?"

"Nah, suits you better," Jim said as he stepped forward and placed the wreath on Bones' head. Bones flashed a quick look of annoyance at Jim out of the corner of his eyes, before taking the wreath off again and reaching over to pack up the med kit and grab his comb. He brushed his thick hair forward and away from it's customary side parting. He pointedly ignored Jim who remained to watch him. When he was satisfied with his hair, he picked the wreath up and placed it carefully on his head. Not at the slightly tipsy angle that Jim had achieved just moments before, but one that was more secure and straight on his head.

"C'mon then, General Antony, time for you to drag me to this stupid party," Bones said as he placed the medical kit back on the shelf and stood close to Jim who was still lounging back against the door frame.

"Not going to be stupid," Jim muttered as he turned away and headed towards the door, grabbing the sword in the black scabbard off the bench.

Bones picked up the other sword and followed Jim out the door of their room, ordering the lights to turn off as he did so and securing their room.

  


oOo

  
Jim grabbed Bones by the arm and pulled him along the path towards Archer Hall and away from the two skeletons that were heading toward Cochrane Hall. Unsurprisingly Bones was grumbling away under his breath as he allowed Jim to tow him along.

"Stupid anatomically incorrect idiots! 'Hail Caesar, who's your pretty boy then?' At least we made a proper attempt instead of sticking to pathetic stereotypes," Bones muttered _sotto voce_. "Will you let go? No wonder they made a comment!"

"If I let go, will you promise not to charge after them with your sword? There will be no Roman justice here tonight," Jim smirked at the scowl on Bones' face. "Seriously, who cares about them? And what are you worried about? That someone will think you are with me? Or that someone thinks you might be interested in people, period?"

Jim released his grip on Bones’ hand as he felt Bones start to pull away. As he had discovered over the past couple of months, Bones' favorite past time was grumbling away his frustrations. He was more bark than bite. Though his bark was pretty scary to many of the other cadets.

"I wouldn't be seen dead in Cochrane tonight," Bones stated as he attempted to cross his arms over his chest as they continued walking along the pathway.

The Academy had strung old style lanterns between each of the campus security lights. Those lights had been turned down so that the lanterns now provided most of the illumination and set the scene for a traditional Halloween. The grass of the Academy lawns, with its dew from the cool evening air, was reflecting the multitude of colors of the lanterns.

"The 'Jerkoff Fly Boys' have taken over that building," Bones continued his grumble, still with his arms perched high on his chest, elbows pointing slightly upwards.

Jim pulled his robe a bit more tightly around himself. He almost resisted the temptation to smile broadly at the sight of his dorm-mate stubbornly refusing to allow his costume to get the better of him. A piercing wolf whistle had Jim spinning to see who had whistled and who it was aimed at, as they were not the only cadets roaming the lawn. Standing at a cross path was a very shapely woman in a skin tight white jumpsuit and a black half-face mask on. From the wild, curly red hair to the delicious contrast of the verdant green of her skin, Jim admired the view in front of him as he continued to keep pace with Bones, albeit backwards.

The Orion waved at him but before he could respond in a like-minded fashion, there was a sharp pain across the back of his head.

"Hey!" he protested at Bones.

"You ain't deserting me, even before we get to the damned party," Bones stated.

"She was whistling at both of us, man," Jim complained.

"Yeah, right," Bones disagreed as he turned towards Archer Hall, stepping sideways to avoid a group of revelers.

The group included a witch, another two skeletons, a demon and some weird creature that Jim had never seen before in any of his studies. It looked like some messed up weird koala-dog genetic experiment. Short and blue with a red jumpsuit on two sets of arms, and huge floppy ears and some antenna.

Jim shrugged as he stepped back onto the path to join Bones, who was still grumbling.

"You have that down as a perfect art form," Jim interrupted Bones. "They really need to make it an Olympic sport; how to take one tiny little thing and then not shut up about it for a whole day."

"If they did, you would surely beat me at it!" Bones said.

"I would not!" Jim retorted.

Bones just turned his head and raised one eyebrow at Jim.

Jim decided that the appropriate and mature response was to poke his tongue out at him.

They continued the walk to Archer Hall in relative, comfortable silence. Once inside, they took the turbolift up to the 5th floor. Jim checked out the decorations inside the turbolift and nodded his silent approval at the job S'Lapen had done. As the doors opened, the grin on Jim's face got wider. S'Lapen and the others had done an excellent job. No longer was it a hallway in Archer Hall, it was a haunted hallway.

"C'mon Bones, time to get scared," Jim said as he pulled Bones out into the hallway.

"Yeah, yeah," Bones muttered behind him.

Jim knew he was probably acting like a kid in a candy store with a bag that had an unlimited capacity, but he didn't care. This was going to be fun and Bones was going to enjoy himself, Jim would make sure.

First they had to navigate the low light hallway to find the right door to enter.

oOo

Jim was annoyed.

Sure, the party was going great. The haunted hallway had been an awesome idea. A few unsuspecting guests opened the wrong doors which had ensured that they got a little slime or shock for their wrong guess. But Jim was standing up against the back wall, drink in hand and watched Bones flirt with Uhura. And it had started out really well.

He and Bones had, luckily, not opened any slime doors, although Jim had laughed at Bones when he had stepped backwards into a waiting skeleton’s arms--Bones wanted space between himself and the door Jim had threatened to open next. That door only had some holo-zombies, which were enough to make Bones jump a little and then pretend it never happened.

Jim had dragged Bones on a tour of the room when they arrived, saying hello to everyone and making sure that what they had discussed at the planning meetings was working. A number of the guests had accused Jim, in a friendly way, of being the one behind the slime, but he couldn’t take the credit for it. The towels in the bathroom for those guests who chose the wrong door _were_ his idea though. That was why they had booked this room, since the adjacent bathroom worked well for their plan.

A few drinks in and Bones’ Southern Charm was making its presence felt. Jim had seen Bones use that charm on their nights out before, when it was every man for himself. Bones might have been sticking to beer instead of his bourbon of choice, but his accent was getting stronger by the minute. Jim wouldn’t have been surprised if Bones had thrown out a ‘yes ma’am’ at some stage.

The more Bones circulated, the more Jim found a new drink in his own hand, as he leaned against the wall by the drinks table.

Jim knew that he himself looked awesome and Uhura should have been all over him, but nope, Bones and that smooth southern accent of his and his little smile were all aimed at ‘no-first-name’ Uhura instead. Fine, the woman had taste, ‘cause Bones did look great, especially with his hair like that. Jim let out what he refused to concede was a sigh of desperation, and took another sip of his drink.

He nearly spat it out when Uhura reached up to touch Bones’ hair and smiled at him.

oOo

  
Nyota reached a hand up to brush against Bones’ hair that was laying flat on his forehead.

"I don’t have anything on my face do I?" he asked.

"No, it’s just odd seeing your hair like this," Nyota replied. "I like it."

"You’ve noticed my hair?" Bones asked, a little smile on his face.

"Maybe," Nyota replied. She tilted her head to the side and looked sideways at him out of the corner of her eyes. It gave Bones a fine view of her long neck, and beautiful, dark, smooth skin. The lapis lazuli necklace was a perfect compliment to her coloring.

"I don’t think any Cleopatra looked quite as lovely as you," Bones said, taking another sip of his beer.

"I’m not Cleopatra. I’m so much more important than any run-of-the-mill queen," Nyota leaned forward to whisper in his ear, taking care to angle her headdress out of the way.

"I’d say a goddess," Bones replied, taking the opportunity to whisper in return, his lips close to the skin of her ear which held a wide gold hoop. Her headdress was extended out to the side, so it meant he couldn’t get close enough to press his lips to her ear as he spoke, and being poked in the head by some pointy gold leaves wouldn’t have been fun either.

"For making an almost correct guess, I suppose I should give you a prize, but I did give you a strong hint to help you out."

"That you did," Bones observed, bringing up his cup to toast her silently.

"Cleopatra?" she asked, a smug little smile on her face. On another woman it would have been quite condescending or off-putting, but on Nyota, it was made all the sexy by her confidence.

"Jim got some ‘inside info’ that proved to be wrong," Bones said.

Nyota laughed and Bones watched as her whole body moved gracefully.

"He can be annoying I know, but his heart is in the right place," Bones tried to apologize for Jim being Jim.

"I don’t think it’s his heart that bothers him the most," Nyota responded, causing Bones to laugh this time.

"Very true," Bones agreed as he moved a hand to touch gently on Nyota’s hip, seeing if she would move away or let him keep it there. She surprised him by moving closer, bringing his hand fully into contact with the warmth of her body.

"I can’t see why anyone would mistake Inanna, the Goddess of Words, Language, Syntax and Meaning for some Queen," Nyota said archly.

"Egyptian?" Bones asked.

"Mesopotamian," she corrected him.

"With a Goddess like that, amazed the country doesn’t exist anymore," Bones replied. The couple of drinks he had already partaken of had loosened his tongue nicely, and it had seemed that the alcohol had worked on Nyota as well, if her laughter was any indication.

Bones slid his hand around to her lower back when she moved closer to him.

Nyota tilted her head up. Bones watched in fascination as her lips moved with perfect annunciation. Jim had once mentioned to him something about a ‘talented tongue’ and well, Bones was happy to just watch those lips, maybe taste them, if she let would let him.

There was some talking going on but Bones just smiled and focused on her lips and the little flash of teeth and tongue he could see as she spoke. One of her hands was playing with the material of the _tunica_ , the other one was playing with the hair at the base of his neck.

"Dance with me, Caesar?" he heard Nyota ask.

"Maybe I should act like Caesar, instead? _Veni, Vidi, Vici_ ," he replied, as he leaned his head down so he could silence her laughter and claim his prize.

She tasted as good as he had thought she might; the tang of the bourbon he had seen her taking a shot of earlier, mixed in with something fruity and sweet. Her lips were soft and Bones smiled into the kiss as it deepened. Indeed, the woman did have a talented tongue.

He let his hand slide a little lower and brought his other one to run slowly up her arm, enjoying the feel of her smooth, bare skin.

"Whuh?" Bones said as he turned to glare at who ever had suddenly pulled him backwards.

"Sorry, Uhura, gotta go," Jim yelled as he pulled Bones through the crowd.

"Jim, what on earth?" Bones spluttered out as he tried to get himself balanced and able to stop Jim from pulling him this way and that.

They bumped into other people in the crowded room as they moved through it. Glares and words were exchanged, all the while Bones was trying to right the tangle that was his clothing and get his arm out of Jim’s strong grip.

"Jim!" Bones protested as Jim managed to get them out the door and back into the ‘haunted’ hallway, which was now populated by party-goers who preferred a little more space to talk to their friends. "Will you let go!" Bones said, his teeth gritted as he hissed out the demand.

"No, we’ve gotta go, Bones," Jim replied, refusing to turn around and look at Bones. Instead, he just kept pulling him down the corridor. Bones tried to ignore the inquisitive looks from the other guests. A few called out comments to Jim, but he just ignored them.

Jim stopped when he reached the turbolift and as he leaned over to push the button to call it, Bones took the opportunity to push against Jim and pull his arm out.

"Goddamn it, Jim. What the hell?" Bones asked as he glared at his roommate. "What in the universe has gotten into you?"

Bones was ready to turn and stalk away, to return to the party and not even bother listening to whatever excuse Jim was going to come up with, when the doors opened to the turbolift.

Next thing Bones knew, he was being pulled into the turbolift, the doors were closing as he tried to get out of Jim’s grip. He managed to get his hands free and he shoved Jim back before turning and hitting the stop button.

Bones glared at Jim, he knew his nostrils were probably flaring in a fair imitation of an enraged bull. Jim was pressed back into the corner of the turbolift, watching Bones with an expression that Bones couldn’t make sense of. He didn’t appear scared, (and really when did Bones ever scare the Great James T. Kirk?), but he wasn’t smiling. It might have been wariness, but that implied a bit of fear.

He stepped closer to get a better look at the expression and try and figure out what the hell had been going on in Jim’s head.

"Why?" Bones said quietly, just staring into Jim’s eyes. Bones’ nose was close enough to touch Jim’s. Bones put his hands on his own hips and he remembered from the hallway, when Jim was dragging him along, that Jim was no longer wearing his sword. It had been lost somewhere at the party. Bones realized that the only one in this turbolift who was armed was him. Maybe that explained Jim’s wariness.

"You’ve got a shift tomorrow and I know you bitch about it when you don’t get your required sleep," Jim said.

"Bullshit," Bones said.

One of Jim’s eyebrows moved upwards, and the little smirk that was almost a permanent feature on Jim’s face made an appearance. Bones could smell the alcohol on Jim’s breath. Mostly beer, though there was a little glazed appearance in his eyes that was telling Bones that Jim was more than a little buzzed. Probably about as buzzed as Bones was.

"You do get to be a down right bitch if you don’t get your sleep. Consider this an act of self-preservation," Jim countered.

"And I say again, bullshit." Bones knew when Jim was avoiding the real reason for his actions and right that moment he was avoiding something. Often Bones might back down and let Jim sort it out himself, but not now. Now he was pissed. A beautiful, smart woman had been showing some pointed interest until Jim had pulled him away.

Then it clicked.

Bones smiled.

"I can confirm that she does have a talented tongue. Is that what this is about? You’re just jealous that I got the proof and it wasn’t you. I know her name too."

"Isn’t," Jim replied like the good little petulant child he could sometimes be.

Bones smiled wider. "Inanna."

Jim looked non-plussed for a moment. "Really?" he asked with a confused look on his face.

"Tonight it is," Bones confirmed. He decided that Jim needed a little more pushing. "Talented. Tongue."

"Yeah. Well. If that’s all the thanks I get for helping you out." Jim brought a hand up to push Bones away from him.

Bones staggered a few steps before getting control of his balance, he growled and stepped back close to Jim. He pushed Jim back further into the corner. Bones left his hand on Jim’s chest, in order to hold him in place. His bare chest. Bones looked where his fingers were splayed across Jim’s chest. Looked at the contrast in the darker tan of his hands and the paler skin on Jim’s chest. There were little hairs across his pectoral muscles and the drawn-on tattoo of the snake winding around Jim’s right nipple and then back up under the robe. Bones moved his little finger across to touch it, bemused by Jim’s reaction and by his own, unsure of where this moment was going to take them.

The tattoo smudged slightly and Jim breathed deeply and quickly, matching the increase in Bones’ own breathing. Bones dragged the finger even slower back and forth, watching the black khol streak across Jim’s skin.

Bones had been aroused from the kiss with Uhura, but this. This was deeper and headier. This was new and old at the same time and not exactly unwelcome. Anger faded. Heat felt like it was pooling under his skin, trying to get out. His palm was clammy and Jim’s skin took on a sheen under the pale light of the turbolift. Bones looked up to see Jim’s lips parted, his teeth and the tip of his tongue visible as his head was tilted down, and watching Bones’ finger. Bones pushed his fingertips just a little harder into the strong flesh of Jim’s pectoral. At the intake of breath from Jim, he had his answer.

"Not her talented tongue," Bones murmured.

"Huh," Jim said as Bones leaned closer, bringing their bodies fully into connection. Even through the heavy leather of Bones’ skirt and the thinner version of Jim’s, Bones was able to tell just how interested Jim was in their ‘conversation’.

"Not her," Bones repeated.

Jim’s eyes were narrowed slightly, his pupils wide with arousal. The black outline was almost too much of a turn on for Bones. "No," Jim admitted as he looked down to Bones’ lips.

Bones glanced back down at his hand as he started to trail a finger from the head of the snake, around and up slowly, his finger gently pushing the robe back and out of the way. So he could follow the path up to Jim’s shoulder, smearing the design slightly as he went. As he reached the shoulder, Jim moved.

It was a thicker tongue, with just as much talent that was now exploring Bones’ mouth.

"Fuck. Yes," Bones managed to get out before he was winding an arm around Jim’s other shoulder and pulling him as close as was possible.

Jim groaned, or maybe it was a complaint, as Bones heard the armour of his costume jangle as they pulled at each other, trying to find the perfect angle. Bones sucked on Jim’s tongue for a moment before he pushed it back into Jim’s mouth, chasing after it with his own.

Jim pulled away and stared up at Bones with a glazed look, ignoring the little thump his head made as it connected with the wall. "Hot bastard. She touched you," Jim complained.

"I touched back," Bones countered.

"Mine," Jim declared as he leaned forward and Bones felt Jim’s desire to stake his claim. The kiss this time shouldn’t even be called a kiss. That was too timid a word for what was going on between the two of them.

"Oof," Bones said as Jim pushed and twisted so that it was Bones, this time, who was pushed into the wall.

Jim slid a leg between Bones’, their bare skin rubbing roughly against each other’s.

Bones took the opportunity to slide a hand down and start working at Jim’s skirt, pulling it up slowly. Bones imagined the view as the material revealed more and more of Jim’s skin, his strong and slender thighs.

He groaned as Jim pushed hard and moaned when his hard cock rubbed against Bones’ thigh.

"Yes," one of them moaned. Bones wasn’t sure who. In a rush now, he moved his other hand to pull up the skirt quicker and get a hand on Jim’s hard, pert ass.

"Fuck, Bones," Jim cried out when Bones finally did. He pulled Jim closer so he could rut and push against Bones even more. If it had of been a ‘fuck, Jim’ that had been cried out, Bones wouldn’t have been surprised if Jim called out his own name in the throes of passion.

Bones’ own cock was just as hard and trying to get some loving, but the strong leather of his _Ptergues_ was making life difficult for junior. He took the opportunity of Jim moaning and leaning his head back to latch onto and suck away at the base of Jim’s neck. He delighted in the taste of Jim’s skin, the sweat and strong masculine scent of him that was purely Jim, the faded perfume of his aftershave tickling the senses of Bones’ nostrils. Jim’s hands were roving and trying to find a way to touch Bones through his clothing.

"Mine," Jim would moan every so often around a thrust and parry. Bones was sure that it wouldn’t have taken long before either of them made a mess in the turbolift, with Jim being the one in major trouble due to the lack of underwear, if the turbolift hadn’t jerked into movement and shocked them both.

Bones pushed Jim away quickly and tried to straighten up his clothing when he saw that the turbolift was about to arrive back on the ground floor. Jim was a little slower to move, so Bones leaned over to pull his robe back up his shoulders and almost closed it so that it covered up the mess that Bones had made of Jim’s chest tattoo.

Before Jim could respond, the doors opened and there was a group of cadets, waiting to enter the turbolift. Bones strode swiftly out, ignoring Jim’s call, continuing quickly out of the building. He was a few meters from the building when Jim caught up to him and grabbed his arm.

Bones pulled his arm away and kept walking back to their dorm building.

"Bones!" Jim called again as he jogged up next to Bones.

"No, Jim," Bones replied. Stupid, stupid thoughts and desires were taunting Bones and he needed to put as much distance between him and Jim as possible.

"Yes, Bones," Jim retaliated, grabbing his arm again and this time, turning and stepping in front of Bones to halt him in his tracks.

"You’re mine now," Jim said, his face determined.

Bones let out a growl, not liking the impression Jim had that he ‘owned’ him. He pushed Jim and tried to walk past him again. Once more, Jim grabbed his arm and turned him back to face him.

"I marked you," Jim declared, swaying just a little bit on his feet. Bones knew that he was buzzed enough to ignore all his own personal rules, but it seemed Jim was just a bit drunker.

Bones’ eye-line was drawn to the reddened skin on Jim’s neck.

"Wrong. I marked you," Bones corrected him.

"Okay. You can mark me anywhere," Jim said in his best ‘flirtatious’ voice, leaning forward. Bones had heard that voice many a time when they were out and about on campus or in the city.

The possessiveness was making Bones’ uncomfortable and he remembered everything that was a part of his costume. It was a drastic measure but Bones needed space between them. There was too much residual heat between them and Bones feared for his determination if Jim leaned any closer.

Bones drew his sword and stepped back, levelling the sword at Jim’s chest.

"What the--" Jim said.

"There will be no marking tonight. I’ve had to deal with possessiveness before and I won’t again. No mistake Jim, you are hot and fuck, one hell of a temptation. I would like nothing better than getting you out of that ridiculous costume, but not until you knock off the possessiveness. You don’t own me or my ass. When you learn that, then I have no problems marking you or you marking me. Any where or any time."

Jim just stood there.

"When that happens, let me know. Until then, I think you need to go deal with that." Bones looked down at Jim’s groin and the little tent that was occurring with his skirt. "I’m going back to our room and I don’t want to see you until later."

Bones stepped back and slowly lowered the sword to see what Jim’s next move was going to be.

When Jim just stood there, Bones sheathed his sword, his hand shaking slightly so it took him two tries, and then he turned and continued on his way, walking as quickly as possible to head back to their dorm room. So, he might have been thinking about Jim’s smell and taste and how he felt under his hands, which made him walk faster when Jim called out his name, but he was damned if he was going to let Jim be in the room. Sanity made a brief flash in his mind, as he thought of how Jim was going to deal with his problem. Did he really want Jim finding someone else tonight, even if he was going to possibly be thinking about Bones while doing it? That wasn’t right for the other person.

"Fuck."

Then there was the option of the public restrooms.

"Fuck. Fuck," Bones swore again before turning back to find Jim still standing in the same place. Seriously, had no one ever turned down Jim Kirk before? Then Bones laughed and realized he only knew of two. Him and Nyota.

Tomorrow he needed to apologize to her, but first he needed to be a friend.

"Jim," he yelled across the quadrangle. "You’ve got ten minutes."

Jim lifted up his chin, assessing Bones’ comment and the unspoken sorta apology Bones hoped he understood was in there. At some stage he needed to tell Jim stuff, but tonight wasn’t going to be that night.

"You gonna need all those ten?" Jim yelled back.

"Sassy shit." Bones shook his head and smiled at Jim as he spoke quietly, knowing that Jim couldn’t hear him, but probably knew him well enough to get the gist of Bones’ comment. "No," Bones yelled, "but that’s what I’m giving you, then the bathroom will be all yours."

"Deal," Jim yelled back before he wandered over to a little bench and sat down, head dropping a little bit and looking like a little boy lost. Even if Bones knew better, it was a forlorn looking friend he was leaving alone on that bench.

Bones turned and almost ran back to the dorm, knowing that Jim was more than likely going to put on a show for him in ten minutes. Fuck, this really was a Halloween to remember. Heaven, Hell or whatever gods and goddesses were out there combined seemed to be out to confuse him this night.

oOo

**Author's Note:**

>  _ **The Ways of the Underworld are Perfect**_  
>  **Title:** [The Ways of the Underworld are Perfect](http://nikki4noo.livejournal.com/129344.html)  
>  **Beta:** Many, many thanks to [](http://dizilla.livejournal.com/profile)[**dizilla**](http://dizilla.livejournal.com/) and [](http://aquila-star.livejournal.com/profile)[**aquila_star**](http://aquila-star.livejournal.com/) for betaing this for me and making sure it finally made it’s Halloween deadline!  
>  **Rating:** R  
>  **Word Count:** 7,632  
>  **Pairings/Characters:** McCoy/Uhura, Kirk/McCoy  
>  **Warnings:** none apart from bad language and some certain implications  
>  **Disclaimer:** Not mine, dammit!
> 
>  **Summary:** Jim has plans for tonight’s Xenolinguistics Halloween Party at the Academy and no matter what Bones thinks, he is going to be a part of them.
> 
>  **A/N:** Many, many moons ago (well 2 years!), the fabulous [](http://otakugal15.livejournal.com/profile)[**otakugal15**](http://otakugal15.livejournal.com/) drew some art for a story of mine. She drew two pieces and one was included in a sketch dump that you can see [here](http://otakugal15.deviantart.com/gallery/25233593#/d2arvm2). My story was featured in number 16 but at number 17 was a little scenario that caught my eye. I promised her, as a thank you, to write a little fic based around it and to include some McCoy/Uhura flirting as she is fond of that too. Better late than never, here is what was inspired.
> 
> The images that helped inspire me are here. Jim’s costume looks a little like [this](http://jamespurefoy.us/rome-gallery/romes2-ep10-gallery/bscap0418.jpg) and [this](http://jamespurefoy.us/rome-gallery/romes2-ep10-gallery/bscap0562.jpg). Bones as Caesar might be a little familiar too, [here](http://xena.softassteel.com/characters/A-C/caesar.jpg), [here](http://www.humina.com/kurban/wfc/wfc-promo.jpg) and [here](http://www.humina.com/kurban/agd/agd-promo2.jpg).  
> 


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